Faux-Bot
It has terrifyingly powerful artificial artificial intelligence.
![[buy]](/images/buy.gif)
Map Marker Death
Would you like to search "morgues" in your area?
That's How I Roll
A 20-sided die is called an Icosahedron. You try making a pun out of that though.
I Heart Accuracy
Wear your heart near your sleeve.
Viva La Evolucion
Remember the evolutionary war? The red-shirts are coming!
Jake and Amir: You Gotta Learn How To Be Funny
If you haven't learned how to be funny yet then you never will. But try to learn anyway. Good luck. It won't happen. But try
someecards: Designated Driver
He's three casks over His Majesty's legal limit... of nine casks.
Camping Is Intents
Get it? Intense? In ... tents? Camping can also be done in cabins but that's not as punny.
Boring (NASCAR)
Have you ever been to a NASCAR race? Ever seen one on TV? This shirt goes out to everyone who has unwillingly watched cars go around in a circle for over two hours straight.
Perfect Season: 18-1
The 2007 New England Patriots:
6580 Yards
589 Points
67 Touchdowns
18 Wins
1 Loss
0 Rings
This shirt was printed on a super soft tri-blend American Apparel blank for a worn vintage feel.
Ghost Catcher
He's smarter than Egon, funnier than Venkman, and almost yellower than Ray.
Never Forget
There are many theories behind the sudden mass extinction of dinosaurs 65 million years ago: asteroid attack, environmental changes, terrorism. But we will never know for sure...
You Have Died of Dysentery
You bought 1350 lbs of this shirt but you can only carry 200 back to the wagon.
Pocket Protector
This shirt's stretchable cotton allows for more comfortable wedgies.
Blow Me
Because "blow me and then put another cartridge on top of me once I'm in the NES" wouldn't fit.
Dino DNA
Well, you�re playing God and unleashing dinosaurs on me, but gosh darn it if that little guy�s not adorable. All is forgiven.
Condiment Pyramid
Fact: If you can't dip stuff in it, it's not nutritious.
Disheveled Tuxedo
Wear it and watch as snobs in normal tuxedo t-shirts gasp.
Paris/Rhianna '08
Paris/Rhianna '08
The Great One
Wayne Gretzky, the great one. The only player to total over 200 points in a single season, a feat he accomplished an astonishing four times. In Edmonton they still mourn the loss, in L.A. '99 still rings out.
Haters Gonna Hate
�I�m down on this stage putting MY F*%&ING HEART AND SOUL INTO MY ART!� --Fozzy Bear
Stop Following Me Freak
It took us 200,000 years to develop attitude problems.
The Pantones
Color me band.
Jesus Hates the Yankees
When we think of the phrase "act of God," usually bad things come to mind: a flood, an earthquake, a tornado. But how often does God get credit for the good things?
Treat Yo Self
"The best day of the year!"
Pac Man Crossing
Blinky, Pinky and Inky are Dead.
Mom's Friendly Robot Company
Robots made the good old-fashioned way.
Dr. The Who
He doesn�t play by �society�s rules,� man � like the rules of �space and time.�
Dont Stop Believin
Hold on to that feeling...
Sportsmanship
Now sore losing, that�s for winners.
Tumblr: Connecting
Tumblr: Connecting
Mulligan's Steak House
If they're out of steak, order all the bacon and eggs they have.
All The Single Ladies
If you liked it then you shouldn't have let it join a convent.
One Ring to Rule them All
One ring to rule them all, one ring to fry them.
Stoop Kid
A 12-year-old with horrible social anxiety? What a scoop!
74th Annual
Cinna would approve of this wardrobe.
The Vet
It stood, concrete and glory, over the warehouses of South Philadelphia. 65,000 seats with the hardest, most passionate fans you could find anywhere.
No hitters.
Championships.
Body bags.
1971-2003
This shirt was printed on a super soft 50/50 American Apparel blank for a worn vintage feel.
Sad Rhino
That volleyball scholarship was his last chance to leave the Savannah.
Tiananmen Square
Question authority, do not blindly follow!
Attendance
Appropriate for any and all fourth most popular New Zealand folk duo band meetings.
Ewok PSA
And no empty beer cans on the ground. We�re looking at you, Jek Porkins!
Honey Badger
Pretty much, like, the most badass animal you can wear on-- ew! It just ate a snake!
Minister of Defense
Reggie White earned his nickname �The Minster of Defense� while still at Tennessee, a moniker instilled no doubt because White actually was an ordained minister. For kids growing up in the 80�s and 90�s, Reggie White was epitome of defense, the greatest DE of his era, paving the way for a future breed of defensive preachers alla Ray Lewis.
This shirt was printed on a super soft tri-blend American Apparel blank for a worn vintage feel.
Finders Keepers
This is an intergalactic "shotgun" calling.
Camp Anawanna
Some of us lost our virginity at summer camps, others just lost our iPods... Seriously, if you've seen it let me know.
Schematics of the Death Star
The Empire strikes back, but they sure don't design space-stations well.
Conglomo
Rocko's modern heartless corporation.
Red Ring of Death
If this shirt breaks within the first two years, Microsoft will fix it free of charge* *Not true
Benny The Jet
Let me tell you something kid, everybody gets one chance to do something great. Most people never take the chance, either 'cause they're too scared, or because they don't recognize it when it spits on their shoes. This is your big chance, and you shouldn't let it go by... Remember, kid, heroes get remembered, but legends never die.
This shirt was printed on a super soft tri-blend American Apparel blank for a worn vintage feel.
Robots in Disguise
This actually works against the universe's dumbest Decepticons.
Bow Ties are Cool
Also awesome when combined with ties: "neck," "bolo" and "Family."
Nerd
Psh, what are you, like, a rocket scientist? Oh, you are? Sorry.
Video Game Hats
Funky Kong BEGGED us to include his bandana.
Elements
This is why your Charizard always loses to Poliwhirl.
Varsity Blernsball
It�s the great Earthican pastime.
Winter is Coming
I'm dreaming of a white walker. It's actually a nightmare.
Reunite Pangea
Together we can change the world. Literally.
Jerk Store
Lose this shirt at they dry cleaner and complain about it to your friends, just like Jerry.
Bear Jew
Nazi-killing bat not included.
ISIS
Do not wear this if you're undercover.
Rirruto
Fine, how about a t-shirt with the word "Buzz" on it?
Beard Logo
Behold the beard.
Sick Sad World
The only show that answers the tough questions: Can monkeys surf the net... and corrupt our kids?
Fantasy Football
How do you think Harry Potter would do in fantasy football? He'd probably cast some sort of spell to get the first pick, but waste it on a quarterback.
Tumblr: Faux Logo
Tumblr: Faux Logo
Henry the 8th
Foppish haters gonna foppishly hate
SNL: Schweddy Balls
Order your Schweddy Ball Sack today.
I Dyslexia Heart
For an added joke, wear this t-shirt backwards.
Sheriff Grimes
Just because you�re undead doesn�t mean the law doesn�t apply to you.
South Korea's Got Seoul
I'll be the first to admit there were some pretty awful shirt ideas tossed out the night we thought of this gem. I mean, terrible stuff. Like "North Dakota likes it on top," "Gettin' Lucky in Montana" or other stuff that wouldn't even make it on a koozie sold in a truck stop gift shop.
People to Kill
I�m glad I called that guy.
Caught 'em All
I choose you. Sorry.
DTF
�Why are you all laughing when I say �sword thrust?��
Shit Happens
Depression, as currently defined by the American Psychological Association Journal, can be traced back to this specific situation.
Fortune Cookie
"Quick! Find a cookie that says, 'Just kidding.'"
SILF
Where's the best place to meet a hot sandwich? The club. Baby, I like it rye.
Practice Safe Lunch: Use a Condiment
Gently unroll the condiment all the way down to the base of the sandwich. If you don't get it on the first time, throw the condiment away and start again.
Festival of Lightsabers
"Hooky religions are no match for for a good blaster at your side, rabbi."
Jake and Amir: For The Wolf
This shirt for the wolf. For the epic wolf.
Push It (Push It Real Good)
Spend your allowance money on this to remind yourself of your roots.
Vintage Vantage: Feelings
It's true, and most of those feelings drive him to murder.
Vimeo: Flag
Hi! We're Vimeo, the coolest video site on the Interwebs. Now we have T-shirts! Yay!
SNL: Red Flag Perfume
The only perfume that warns men: �I'm f*cking crazy.�
HUMA-Limited Edition
All right, from the top of this hay stack, over the stable, off the barn roof, -- Nothing but net.
Wayne
"As a shareholder, I'd like to know why 50% of the budget was spent on 'Misc Crime-Fighting Technology.'"
Play-Toh
All the doh which is under or upon the earth is not enough to give in exchange for virtue.
WWF
These Panda Bears are wrestling. That's the joke. Our designer never actually got the memo.
Most Deadly
Much more popular than our "Worst Marksmanship" shirt!
On Switch
Conserve energy: go topless.
Santa is Coming!
You better watch out, you better not cry. Better not pout, I'm telling you why: Santa Claus is coming (to town!). See, you're the pervert- not us.
Casually Butterfly Everything
This causes tears for a completely different reason.
Toaster Love
She's hot for him.
Vandelay Industries
The shirt store called and they're running out of you!
Jake and Amir: Oh Sheesh Y'all
Oh Sheesh Y'All, 'Twas a Dream come true! For Amir, at least.
Think Different
My BlackBerry works just as good as a portal gun, thank you very much.
Binford Tools
Finally a shirt with more power.
Conan's Owl
Wild. Nocturnal.
Bon Temps
True football.
Gobias Industries
From the entrepreneurs behind the Bluth's Frozen Bananas and the Cornballer.
Reptar on Ice
Reptar on Ice
The Belafonte
Let me tell you about my boat.
Ray's Occult Books
Do you experience feelings of dread in your basement or attic?
Robert E. Lee: Most Likely to Secede
Another piece of trivia for you history buffs: Robert also won other yearbook superlatives including most spirited, most facial hair, and shortest middle name.
SNL: Happy Fun Ball
Happy Fun Balls...So fun it's scary. It's also not that fun.
There & Their & They're & Thurr
Chingy�s contribution to English grammar gets the credit it desurrrvs.
Yes We Catan
America is ready for Change. If we work together and trade with our neighbors, we can truly build the Longest Road.
Irish I Were Drunk
While none of our shirts are magically delicious, this one comes the closest.
Acoustic Keytar
It�s what Beethoven would play if he were alive. And more gnarly.
Second Amendment
Amendment I The right to free speech. Amendment II The right to bear arms. Amendment III The right to buy t-shirts that your 10th grade social studies teacher would find hilarious.
Soccer
Warning: This shirt makes less sense in Europe.
Malaria No More
Mosquitoes suck.
Malaria No More is determined to end malaria deaths in Africa by 2015. By buying this T-shirt, you will be making a $10 donation towards the fight against malaria�all to give a child the gift of growing up.
For more ways on how you can help, visit www.MalariaNoMore.org.
Illuminati BBQ
1pm: Three-legged race
2pm: Destroy European economy
3pm: Water balloon fight!
I Do My Own Stunts
Really, he does.
Save the Direwolves
Few men have seen this mythical creature. Together we can change that!
someecards: Outdoorsy
Ladies of grace love an outdoorsman.
Punching Game
A good t-shirt to wear in the capital of Thailand.
Tumblr: Houses
Tumblr: Houses
someecards: Blast My Pecs
Buy this shirt a size too small to make it more believable!
Larry Legend
Larry �The Legend� Bird, a name synonymous with the game of basketball. There was something heart stopping about seeing number 33 pace down the parquet floor of the old Boston Garden. An artist at work; some say watching him play was almost magic�
This shirt was printed on a super soft tri-blend American Apparel blank for a worn vintage feel.
someecards: Fuck Me
Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who's the pimpest of them all?
Summer is Coming
We will settle the Seven Kingdoms the only true way: boogie board contest.
Planet Express
A simple, old-fashioned company owned by a Mad Scientist and operated by a cyclops, a robot, and a pizza delivery boy from 1000 years ago.
Vintage Vantage: Polite As Fuck
Vulgar as heck.
Pedro Lacks Political Experience
This is Summer Wheatly and I approve this t-shirt.
Philly Forecast
It's always sunny�even at night!
Are We Having Fun Yet?
The most annoying beer catchphrase, after "Whasssup?" Oh, and "Bud-wei-serrr." Oh, and "Hooray beer!" Oh, and�
Meat is Mmmurder
If it�s wrong to eat other animals, then I don�t want to be right. (Unless the reward for being right is a free steak.)
What Does It Mean?
Man has spent years pondering the mysteries of the Double Rainbow. Specifically one man, one very weird man with a camera and a YouTube account.
someecards: Facebook Friends
It's complicated.
Beard Ruler
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but how far his beard hangs over his chest." -Martin Luther King Jr.
Trek Wars
A long time ago where no man has gone before.
Brady Is A Golden God
More super bowl wins than any active quarterback, a supermodel wife, and just about the most handsome fella ever to play the game. Make it 4 Tommy.
This shirt was printed on a super soft 50/50 American Apparel blank for a worn vintage feel.
Unicorn Devolution
Nature is amazing. But unfortunately this is sorcery.
Bear Shark
DANGER: SCARIEST THING EVER AHEAD
Anti-Clothes: Crane Game
You win. They lose.
Mexican Basketball Association: Juan on Juan
Does Mexico have an official basketball league? And if they did, would the players wear sombreros as they dribbled down the court? My guess as to the answer of those questions would have to be "Huh?"
Lone Pine Mall
Great scott! The food court has a Sbarro!
The Conan Pale Whale
We�re all atwitter about Conan.
I'd Hit That
Any Donkey is a pinata, if you like donkey meat enough.
Prose Before Hos
And here's another thing. Ya know that cute girl in your english class that you've been trying to impress? This shirt should do the trick. It shows you're smart and clever while making sure she knows you've got a sense of humor too. Place your order on a Monday, get the shirt on a Thursday, wear it to class on Friday and ask her out for Saturday. After that, welcome to Pantyville, population: you.
someecards: Overwhelming
someecards: Overwhelming
Don't Tread On Me
We're more of a Mushroom Republic than a Murshroom Kingdom.
Helvetica
A slap in the typeface.
Slurm
�It�s highly addictive!�
Midnight Ticket
Next stop: believin'!
Where My Dogs At?
Everybody knows that the cutest dogs are orange flavored.
Jake and Amir: Ace and Jocelyn
This shirt isn't just outta this world, its outta this planet. Same thing. Whatever.
ACE: One Upper
Carolla has handed out some great pieces of advice over the years. His guests have too. This is not one of them.
Noah's Arcade
It's hip, it's fresh, it's the Noah Arcade t-shirt.
someecards: Picky and Desperate
I don�t like anything, but I do need it now. Right now! PLEASE!
NSFW
Unless it's casual Friday.
Go Ape: Hans Guitar Solo
Rockin' out ain't like dusting crops, boy.by Go Ape Shirts
The Silhouette
Conan, standing tall. Really, really tall.
Greece
Here's the funny thing. Even though we put this description on here explaining that we know that's not the flag for Greece and that's the joke, we'll still get about two or three emails a week telling us that we're idiots for mixing up countries.
You Shall Not Pass Go
One thimble to rule them all.
Vintage Vantage: Bike 'Til You Barf
This takes between 5 and 7 hours, depending on how bodacious your wheels are.
What Wouldn't Jesus Do?
The New Testament encourages answering questions with other questions as a means of facilitating conversations. So what better way to fully understand what Jesus would do, than by inquiring what he wouldn't do?
Delorean Dashboard
Time machines aren't toys. They should only be driven by scientists, teenagers, really old men from the future, and dogs.
Los Pollos Hermanos
Everyone wants our secret recipe.
SNL: More Cowbell
Because less cowbell would result in less cowbell.
Wyld Stallyns
Be excellent to each other. And PARTY ON, DUDES!
Hard Corg
This guy makes Spud McKenzie look like a dweeb.
Second Is the Best
Third is the one with the hairy chest: Donkey Kong.
Without Me, It's Just Aweso
We both know that you are the life of the party -- but does the rest of the party know this? Do they know that last week you drank an entire bottle of Cuervo, walked over to the TV to start humping it, passed out in mid-stride, and crashed your head into the screen and had to go to the hospital after losing almost a pint of blood?
Skynet
If computers are going to enslave us, they may as well be fast and reliable enslaving computers.
Go Ape: Brains
If I only had a shirt...by Go Ape Shirts
Reading is Jawsome
Illiteracy bites.
Facebook: Where Everybody Knows Your Name
Also like Cheers, funny things happen when people show up drunk.
Captain Canada
Keeping miles of barren snowy wasteland safe.
Mustache
Beard pants sold separately. Or maybe not at all.
Elect Zaphod Beeblebrox
Two-heads of State are better than one.
Music City Miracle
�Do the Titans have a miracle left in them in what has been a magical season to this point? If they do, they need it now. Christie kicks high and short. Fielded by Lorenzo Neil at the 25; he dishes it back to Wycheck; he throws in across the field to Dyson�He�s got something�30, 40, he�s got something�50, 40, he�s got it! 30, 20, he�s got it! 10, 5, endzone..touchdown, Titans! There are no flags on the field! It�s a miracle. Tennessee has pulled a miracle! A miracle for the Titans!�
Hungry Hungry Hippo
When we were tossing around how this obviously brilliant shirt idea would manifest itself on a piece of fabric, Jake suggested that the hippo should be leaning over a toilet vomiting white marble balls. I'm glad we didn't go with that.
Mac Daddy
Hey, if it can play Oregon Trail, its all right by me.
Hyrule Fencing Club
Potential members must slay an inter-dimensional God, or have a guest pass.
The Price is Wrong Bitch
Drew Carey would never be able to knock Adam Sandler out the way Barker could.
HUMA
All right, from the top of this hay stack, over the stable, off the barn roof, -- Nothing but net.
Check out the limited edition Gold Huma. On Pre-Sale now for only $8.99.
Song of Storms
Sir, please don't throw rupees in the club. You'll put someone's eye out.
What the Frak
Shirt doubles as a Cylon detector.
No Star: Booyah
It would be more exciting if 'booyah' was in the dictionary and you could actually use it.
Jesse and the Rippers
Wear this shirt for free admission at the Smash Club.
Vimeo: Logo Asphalt
Hi! We're Vimeo, the coolest video site on the Interwebs. Now we have T-shirts! Yay!
Improv Everywhere
The official shirt of the Internet's most notorious pranksters.
Chest Bump
And for our blind customers, we have a shirt that emits a high-frequency tone from the mid-point between your nipples.
Anti-Clothes: Pinata's Revenge
They're filled with vengeance... and candy.
Amish: Don't Drink or Drive
If you know any Amish people, then you'll probably have to get this for them. Chances are, they don't know about the internet yet.
One Man Wolf Pack
Wear it until your wolf pack grows by one.
Angry Planes
They fight fascist pigs.
Free Tibet
This shirt not valid in China.
I'm A Keeper
Seek me out.
This One Goes To 12
....These go PAST eleven.
Nerdy Shirt
At least you have your Cool Shirt. Oh, you traded that in for a 12-sided die? Um, wow.
Zombie Conan
Feeding on your Late Nights
someecards: Booze
It�s a Catch-22 for people who are too drunk to read Catch-22.
Better Call Saul
Accepts checks, money orders, unlaundered cash, and crystal meth. Not Discover, though.
Slam Dunk
For added awkwardness, imagine him doing this at the 30 yard line.
I Choo Choo Choose You
In the future trains will choose people and not the other way around.
Motherboy XXX
Buy two: one for you and one for your over-attached mother.
Eject Yourself
You live by the thumb drive, die by the thumb drive.
Springfield Isotopes
Show your love for the greatest AA Baseball team since the New Britain Rock Cats.
Adamantium
This only passes for an element in Professor X's chemistry class.
Thrilla in Manilla
The greatest fight of all time, the fight of the century, The Greatest vs. Smokin� Joe, the saga of our lifetimes, the incredible, the incomparable, the insatiable; The Thrilla in Manila.
This shirt was printed on a super soft tri-blend American Apparel blank for a worn vintage feel.
Snake?
You�ll be a master of stealth when you loudly announce about your new shirt.
Conan is Tomorrow
Fans are all about the pomp
Vintage Vantage: Reservations
We can't wait to kick these shirts out of their homes and send them across the country.
Nuke The Whales
"Meh. You gotta nuke something."
Good-Bye Elliot
E.T. Pwn3d home.
Boston Sign
Love that dirty water, Boston you�re my home.
This shirt was printed on a super soft tri-blend American Apparel blank for a worn vintage feel.
Strangers Are Awesome
�Wh-wh-who are you� besides a super-cool dude, I mean?�
Phasmophobia
If only there was some kind of agency that busted ghosts -- "Ghostcatchers," if you will.
Mutt Cutts
It's the Shaggin' Wagon T-shirt. Chicks love it.
Bat Man and Robin
What�s next? Some kind of �cat woman?�
Medicine is the Best Medicine
The second best medicine is pills.
The Beets
Any Doug fan will find this shirt very Funnie.
Stewart/Colbert '12
If "Vote or Die" were real legislation, can you imagine how lazy you would have to be to still not get around to registering?
Yo Mama
He was the father of modern insults, too.
Keep Calm and Move Along
Stiff upper lip, assuming your species has lips.
SNL: Dick in a Box
To all the fellas out there with ladies to impress, it's easy to do, just follow these steps.
Cracka' Please
Polly want a t-shirt?Inspired by our friend Mike Birbiglia
Unathletic
Pain is temporary. Pride is forever. But laziness is better than both.
Don't Tess With Mexas
Hey Mexicans! Stay out of Mexaco!
SNL: Stefon's Hottest Clubs
Stefon lusts New York.
Initech
For bonus points, wear this to your next Michael Bolton concert.
Speaker City
We definitely don't need a description for this. If you get it, you'll buy it. If you don't, you won't.
Anti-Clothes: Pac Man Graph
This shirt won't make you any better at Pac Man, but it will make you worse at math.
Party Sub
It�s a slice of life.
Control Freak
The power is in your hands.
Super Ray
Super Ray is Mortal.
Callahan Auto Parts
Fat guy in a little shirt.
ACE: Later Hosen
Let everyone know you're leaving the party to head back to Dude-seldorf.
Satriale's Pork Store
Cholesterol is the greatest killer of all. After that it's Paulie Walnuts.
Quail Man
You already wear your underwear over your shorts. This shirt is all that's missing.
Moby Fail
From Hell's heart I Tweet at thee!
Peter Parkour
Webs are for cheaters.
Unicorn Meat
Rich in protein and enchantment.
If You Can Read This I'm Not Planking
And if I�m not planking, I�m probably dead.
Stair Car
Brought to you by The Bluth Co.
No Star: Keep The Dream Alive
If God wanted us out of bed before noon, he wouldn't have scheduled "What's Happening!!" re-runs at 3AM.
Enchantment Under the Sea
Music! Dancing! Time-space paradoxes!
That's What She Said!
This is so nice... soft... and comfortable...
The Floor is Lava
�Please continue to dresser and couch on the left.�
Die Hard
This shirt has definite star power.
Zelda is the Girl
Wait, nobody told me the Princess of Hyrule was female.
Fatstronaut
In space nobody can hear you scream for ice cream.
I Potion Zelda
�Aw, that is so romantic!� --The World�s Coolest Girlfriend
SNL: Suck It Trebek
Luckily he only wagered threeve dollars.
Vintage Vantage: Science
If knowledge is so powerful, how come they don't make atomic bombs out of it?
Tumblr Japan
Analog Retirement
This shirt is also available for downloading as a digital e-shirt.
Finkle
It wasn't easy, but we've discovered a non-annoying Ace Ventura reference.
Note: T-shirt has no print on the front. Design only appears on the back.
Jake and Amir
All proceeds from this shirt go to buying Jake the phatest present ever. It's like this Ferrari poster, but it's framed. It's really sick. So. For more information check out JakeAndAmir.com
BustedTees Grab Bag
Get 4 random BustedTees for only $30, a savings of over 60%. You pick the size, we'll pick the shirts. No duplicates. All sales are final, no returns or exchanges. Supplies are limited.
Chat and Cut
"I haven't seen such skillful deception since a-sphincter-says-what."
Oh Yeah!
Two guys packing punches.
Show Zero
Conan O�Brien & special guests serve up a web-only taste of the new TBS show.
Sports
For the love of the gaming system.
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